Falkrunn’s Journal – Entry 3
So we finally leave the Treasureless Treasure Room after the Elves are done with their Beauty Sleep and make our way back to this Old Stairway Leading Into The Bowels Of The Earth. The stairs, walls, everything, pretty ancient, obviously Pre-Goblin. So someone says “What do you think is down there?” and everyone looks at me expectantly. What? Because I’m a Dwarf I have this psychic ability about Deep Dark Places? So I pop off and say “That’s where they keep the horses.” (Private joke) So they act like I’m serious, but ask a Stupid Question…
We get to the bottom of the stairs and Woodsy Elf keeps throwing his torch around, to light the way ahead of us, he says. Well, I’m wondering, since he DOESN’T CARRY A DAGGER, why he doesn’t hang onto the torch because it could be a useful weapon in hand to hand. Stupid Elf. The torch disturbs some horses (SARCASM… they were rats) and we spread out a little. We have to make our way around groupings of stalactites and stalagmites and suddenly Giant Rats start attacking (and no, they weren’t the size of Horses; they were Dog sized. REAL Dog size; not those frou frou dogs the Elves like).
So I slice through one of those doggies (not a Real Dog) like it was butter and turn for another when this Ooze slides through the stalactites and attacks High and Mighty Elf who had been hanging back. HAME (Rhymes with LAME and stands for High And Mighty Elf) transports to safety. I was surprised; I didn’t know he could do that. But since he never placed himself in Danger before, I guess there was no need. Think how effective it would be to transport INTO battle…
I attack the Ooze, but it’s like trying to cut through Granmadr’s Taproot Pudding. It burns like it too (just kidding, Granmadr!). It has some kind of Acid Attack that lingers on the skin. I finally connect hard with the Goo and it splits into two smaller piles of Dragon Snot. The others are fighting hard and more of the Giant Rodents are dropping in. We have it down to one Goober Gelatin; I have it Marked and the Steel-plated Princess and I are pounding it pretty good when Tree Hugger Elf steps in at the last moment and steals our kill! Stupid Elf.
We make our way into another corridor and, of course, the Armored Maiden promptly falls into a pit. Having no patience for such foolishness, I continue on… and fall into a pit. (Those things are hard to see!) We had just come upon a Den of Monsters and it was infuriating that I’m down in this hole trying to get out. I finally get out, and Twinkle Toes Elf… falls in the same pit… while trying to jump it! Now that is hilarious! But I have no time to gloat because I’m trying to get into the Battle. I spot the Enemy and rush to Attack… and fall into ANOTHER friggin’ Pit! My Roars of Frustration Shake the Earth. Before I can climb out, the pit goes dark as a body hurtles towards me. It couldn’t have been one of the Elves who land like cats, or even one of the Monsters who I could fight. No. It had to be the Steel Giantess. Sigh. By the time we extracted ourselves, the fight was over. AND I DIDN’T GET TO KILL ANYTHING!!!! Splug had more action than I did!
We found a Door. Which of course we had to Open. Even though it had a warning scrawled on it to Stay Out. As if we take notice of Such Things. Inside was a Cavern with a pool of befouled water and a small island. The Half-Elf, Pixie, jumped over to the island to investigate. I was pretty sure it was a trap, but what did I know? I couldn’t seem to see one beneath my feet today. There was Stuff there, but before she could get back, the water next to the island foamed and erupted and this Blue Slime emerged and started attacking the Half Girl. Finally! A Challenge! I was starting to get cranky with all this Non-Fighting.
I jump to the island and attack the Blue Goo. Dixie was hurt pretty bad; I Marked the Super Slime, but she was still taking damage from the acid. (If only Someone could Teleport and Save her.) I get knocked down and somebody stabilizes her and then she wants to run away save her own skin! That’s gratitude for you. She does finally help me before trying to jump for it and falling in the drink. (That’s what you get for running away from your problems, Grace.)
So I’m laying on the ground, unable to get up, but still pounding away at the Ooze. The Half Wit ran away like a Scared Rabbit and Fruity Elf is whining about losing his arrows. To my surprise I could see the Iron Elefant and Friar Tuck at the water’s edge doing everything they could to attack the Blue Mucus. The Titanium Titan went into the water to get closer and really had to struggle to stay afloat. She is very Brave. And Wet. I hope she doesn’t rust… or drown.
The Paladin and Cleric manage to engage the Slime enough that I scored a Critical Hit from my prone position. It explodes in a shower of Blue droplets that burn into my flesh. My last conscious thought is ‘Now, THIS is a Glorious Death!’
My next conscious thought was ‘Crap! Please, not HIM!’
I woke to find the Flower Sniffing Elf hovering over me after Healing me. I did NOT want to be indebted to the Glade Dancer. Why had he even bothered? He knows I don’t like him. It was almost as if Someone had Given him Brownie Points for giving a Helping Hand and Stabilizing a Dying Friend…