No Rest For The Wicked

Sometimes I wonder


Sometimes I wonder why I am even doing this. I wonder what it would be like if I just decided to stop going on missions and went back home. Well not that I had a permanent home…but who knows what has changed since I left. All I know is that once we accepted the mission to go into this labyrinth people have been getting on my nerves. I couldn’t believe it when Tyranny was arguing with the strong arm of the mages. It pissed me off and then I had to go round up the rest of our crew and just as I walk into the bar I’m nearly jumped on by filthy men grabbing me and shouting ridiculous pick up lines. I brought out my dagger hoping to show them that I would cut off their man parts if they didn’t stop. However, this just intrigued them further. Falkrunn and Casual Friday finally came along and we went to go watch and see what was happening. But apparently the subject of taxes is one that Valyn feels the need to fight over. Like he…with his puny girlish figure could ever stand up to this brute of a half-orc. It just ended up like it always does with Arneth jumping in and saving him because he’s too much of a coward to save himself. Then an actual mage comes to talk to us and realizes that the Half-orc has been cheating Arneth of her money (I wasn’t paying taxes…are you kidding me?) but doesn’t really do anything. He tells us about how we should respect his brute and respect the mages because obviously Valyn hadn’t been doing either of the two. Well I mean of course once the mage came he straightened up and pretended like he was innocent (he probably has a crush on him…I really didn’t want it to turn out like Steve again) so I stepped in trying to reason with the mage about where we were going and what we were doing. He didn’t really say much besides some questions about why we wanted to get rid of the bloodreavers and gave a look like he thought we were crazy but approved.

As we continued onward we saw on the walls what looked to be eyes and I knew we were on the right track. We were to find the chamber of eyes which wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. Soon we came to an interesting door which had eyes chizzled on it and a circle with a crossbar accompanied the eyes. They wanted me to unlock the door but I didn’t really want to be next to that door when it opened. I tried a couple of times but my hand was shaky. Something about being in a labyrinth was messing with my thieving abilities. Eventually somebody heard us on the other side and two goblins snuck out of another area and were high up on a ledge. I was standing next to a statue so I could only peek around and see them but we heard voices on the other side of the door. As I stepped out, I pulled out my crossbow hoping to be of some assistance to Tyranny and Valyn. I wasn’t doing a whole lot of damage because I couldn’t sneak up behind them. Eventually the door in front of us swung open revealing two more goblins and a big figure that I couldn’t examine properly. Eventually they were all slain, it was really a blur going from one target to another. Whatever, at least we killed some of them.

We continued on and finally came to a place which looked to be where they kept the slaves. Chains were bolted to the ground and a giant dog laid to the right of them. There were two goblins in front of me and one to my left. Again there was a higher and lower ground. I’m not used to fighting from a distance. I always like to be close to my enemies. Feel the blade damaging their fleshy bodies. The mere tink sound of me hitting with crossbow bolts isn’t nearly as satisfying. Falkrunn ran to my left after the lone goblin, and feeling as if I had nothing to do, I brought out my crossbow and shot across the way at the two standing there. Eventually the giant dog woke up and went over to a door to my right quite a distance away. He began to whimper and I almost felt sorry for him when Arneth was over there in an instance attacking him. I figured she never does anything without a good reason so he must be a force to be reckoned with. As soon as she attacked him a SWARM of enemies flooded in through the door circling around her. I jumped down hoping I could get in some attacks. The enemy I was attacking apparently had control over two more foes. They began to attack me as he attacked me. I didn’t know what to do so I had to try attacking something else.

The dog inched toward me, apparently I look quite like a steak. Taking this as my chance I went and attacked the dog. Then…ran away. Are you kidding me…from far away the beast looks nice a cuddly. If he were mine I would name him something ridiculously cute. But he’s not nice and cuddly up close. His fur matted with blood, thick green snot dripping from his nose, slobber everywhere. I was lucky to get away. I then clambered up a wall so that he had no way of reaching me. Again having to use a crossbow. I felt angered. I have this amazing dagger and here I am PEW PEWing. It’s not my style. Finally someone was attacking Tyranny close by and I ran over to attack. The attacker moved in such a way that I could not get to him. Tyranny lay at my feet and I wondered how that could have happened. Tyranny with his bow and accuracy. And then I noticed a halbred laying there and realized he must have been in close combat. I couldn’t help Tyranny because I would have gotten attacked while doing so.

I ran to the other edge where the hobgoblin stood. I forced my dagger into him with such might that I couldn’t believe when he merely shifted down the stairs. Then the other two hobgoblins, he had control of, attacked me. I ran back to where Tyranny was, but as I glanced down I saw a quick wink and realized he must have some trick under his sleeve. He jumped up and began firing his bow down to the enemies below. I smirked and shook my head…always one for surprises he is. I slid down a pillar to fight the one he was shooting at. The enemies we slowly dwindling. I glanced over and saw Falkrunn and Arneth with a slew of bodies laying around them and knew without a doubt we were going to be victorious. As the final blows ensued, I remembered why I was here. I am here to fight evil, I am here to help my comrades (even if some of them are pompous assholes), I am here because it is my destiny.


Very good. I really liked how you summed it up at the end. Falkrunn would sympathize; she’d be frustrated too when she can’t kill things. (“PEW, PEWing” LOL)

Sometimes I wonder

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