Well, Jobin is dead.
I didn’t know him well. I had Nixie write his name down so I could Remember it and Immortalize him in a Small Way. That is, after all, the Only True Way we Live Forever… when people Remember our Names long after we’re Gone. Not that I should be put in charge of his tombstone, or anything. It would likely be inscribed ‘Here Lies JoMama.’ (I always liked that one.) But Jobin Died. And he Stayed Dead. Even though we tried to Resurrect him, he didn’t Come Back. Why wouldn’t anyone come back? The Voice in my Head Whispered that he had More than an Empty Room waiting for him, but that’s just Stupid! I’m Not Afraid of Death, but let’s face it… Life is Better. DUH!!
When we got back to Twin Peakes, I had A Lot to Drink… even for me. Our Bar wasn’t fully stocked yet so I went to the Other Tavern where I caused a Wee Bit of Trouble. I smashed a chair over the head of one of those Asshole Dwarfs when he demanded I bring him a sandwich. He and his Three Sissy Miner Friends were no Match for me! When was the Last Time one of them had Survived Captivity and Carried the Upper Torso of one of their Comrades through the Bowels of the Earth only to have him refuse to come back? I slipped out when the Half Ogre Sheriff arrived and found a vacant cubbyhole to sleep it off.
Unfortunately, this made me Miss my Wake-up Call and my Companions went Adventuring without me! Elvis’ men had cleared all the Gnolls out of the Well of Demons and one of them showed me the way back. I found my Comrades in a Large room with a raised walkway dissecting the middle. The recesses on both sides of this path were filled with Vile, Red Liquid that looked like Blood. There was a Large Minotaur Statue on my side of the room and two smaller ones in the center of the far end and two raised pedestals in the far corners. Pixie Girl and Iron Maiden were floundering in the Bloody Mess by the Left Pedestal and Something was floating next to them. Casual Friar was standing on the Walkway halfway between and Long Ears was Cowering off to my left.
I Wondered why he’s looking so Apprehensive when the Statue to my right came alive with a Groaning Creak and swung its whip around, just missing me, but knocking the Elf on his Ass. I Chuckled Gleefully.
“Sorry I’m late!” I bellowed to the Girls. “What did I miss?”
Tin Maiden Gestured to the other Pedestal. “Get the Blade! We’re getting the Hilt.”
I shrugged and took a Long Leap into the Blood. It burned a bit, but only a Minor Annoyance. I Dodged the Statue’s Whip as I half ran, half swam through the Poisonous Red Pool and again as I climbed the stairs to stand next to the Friar. A small Demon popped up and attacked the Man of the Bottle and I intervened, landing two blows before the Whip caught me and knocked everyone down. I crawled after the demon as it tried to escape, hitting it with my Maul and the Good Friar got up and Killed it.
At the other end of the room, Barbie Girl climbed up the pedestal and retrieved the hilt which she handed to the Tank The Little Girl looked a bit Spent from where I stood. I took a running jump into the Bloody Quagmire and made it to the Other Pedestal, retrieved the Blade and returned, all the while dodging the statues on THIS side of the room. The Other Statue was Still causing Damage to my Weakened Companions as they headed back to the entrance.
“Can’t anyone do something about that statue?” I barked.
“I tried, but I wasn’t damaging it,” called Hippie Elf from behind the Exit Door.
“Keep trying! The Others are Poisoned and don’t need to be knocked into that Bloody Mess!”
Half Girl crossed safely and held the door open so Twinkle Toes could shoot through it at the Statue. Just as I noticed that the Metal Maidenis towing a body behind her like a deflated balloon, another demon popped up to harass her and the Cleric. I ran to help and we quickly Beat it Down. As I jumped and crossed to the Door, the Statue came to a Grinding Halt; Woodsy the Elf had finally Prevailed.
We were concerned over how Weak the Friarseemed, so a rope was tied around him and thrown to me. He Jumped In and Fell Over, Unconscious. Perky Girl and I reeled him in and revived him. Tin Can came last, still hauling her Questionable Party Favor. Even though the Acidulous Blood had eaten away his eyes and most of his face had Melted Away, there was still enough of him to know I had never seen him before.
“Arneth,” I said calmly, “I don’t care if it did follow you home, you can’t keep it. Dead bodies just don’t make good pets.”
We dragged his body back (at least this one was whole… although bits of skin and bone kept falling off, leaving a trail of Gruesome Breadcrumbs we could follow on our way back. Elvis wasn’t pleased we kept killing off his men, but I told him I thought he should stop sending the Defective Ones. We waited for the Red Shirt to Rise Again, which he seemed glad enough to do… although a little Hesitant about heading back out with us again. The Breadcrumbs were gone. I’m not sure if they magically reassembled on his body (I think they missed a few; either that or he was already kind of Ugly) or once the new parts grew ,the old ones disappeared. Jobin’s body had regained legs that appeared to have been eaten off so he had been Good As New. But still Dead.
When the New Dead Guy recovered enough, we headed back and went into the room that would net us the Bell. It was filled with columns of Wiggling Dead People that liked to Bite if you got too close. And they Babbled and Moaned and were Downright Irritating! One Column grabbed Casual Father but I think he liked the Groping because he didn’t seem to try to hard to get free. There were some Demons hanging out and the Pillars would Occasionally Suck us in and Spit us out in another part of the room, but it wasn’t that much of a Challenge and we quickly retrieved the Bell and now have all the items we need to Open the Door in the Well of Demons.
Oh, Goody. But let’s send in Red Shirt First, Just In Case…